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6 Ways to Stop (Mentally) Beating Yourself Up | Psychology Today

By: Victoria Bourque +

On: August 16, 2015

It’s time to give yourself a break. After all, you deserve one.

Source: 6 Ways to Stop (Mentally) Beating Yourself Up | Psychology Today

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2015-08-16

Previous Post: 7 Characteristics of Emotionally Strong People | Psychology Today

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Thrive with Victoria Bourque

My name is Victoria Bourque and having worked as a dentist for over 20 years, treating many anxious and phobic patients, I felt inspired to use my knowledge and skills to empower as many people as possible to live happily and confidently. I completed my Thrive Consultant® training under the supervision of Rob Kelly and operate under a strict code of ethics as a licensed Thrive Consultant.

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On your journey learning to thrive? Processing al

On your journey learning to thrive?

Processing all you steps and wins is key, not only will you have evidence you are moving forward but you’ll be teaching your brain to notice and catch all the good you do 🧡

#mentalhealth #mindsetshift #growth #selfdevelopment

Staring at your phone, crafting yet another “I’m so sorry, but...” message to someone you genuinely want to see. That mix of relief and deep disappointment as you hit ‘send’ - relief because the immediate anxiety disappears pretty much instantly, but disappointment because deep down, you know you’re missing out on another memory.

Here’s what you need to know: You’re not “just like this” and you’re definitely not going to feel this way forever. 💝

The truth is everything you’re feeling that leads you to cancel plans - the anxiety, the overwhelm, the fear - isn’t actually coming from the events themselves. It’s coming from your thoughts about these events.

Think of something you feel really good about - maybe you’re great at cooking, or you love going to the gym. You probably don’t create any anxiety or excuses about doing these things (except the occasional normal human “maybe not today!”).

So how do we switch this around?

The Thrive Programme has helped thousands of people understand exactly how they’re creating these feelings and more importantly, how to change them. 🌈

This isn’t about:

❌ Forcing yourself into uncomfortable situations

❌ Using “positive thinking” band-aids

❌ Being told to “just get over it”

This IS about:

✨ Understanding your mind in a way no one has ever explained before

✨ Building real, lasting confidence from the inside out

✨ Learning practical skills to feel calm and in control

✨ Actually looking forward to social events (yes, really!)

The best part? This isn’t therapy - this is a training programme where you learn all the research and tools to make these changes. And this transformation can happen in weeks, not years. 🙌

Are you ready to understand how you can start showing up fully in your life? 💫

#mentalhealth #anxiety #socialanxiety #personaldevelopment

Living with health anxiety can feel incredibly lon

Living with health anxiety can feel incredibly lonely and overwhelming. That constant worry that something must be wrong with your body takes over your thoughts and makes it hard to focus on anything else.

Let’s dive in, but first follow me for more tips and insights on mental health! 💛

The truth is - you’re not making this up and you’re not going crazy. Health anxiety develops because you feel powerless over your health, which leads to feeling unable to cope. When we feel we can’t cope with something, our brain tries to protect us by staying on high alert. 🧠

This creates a cycle:

➡️ You notice a sensation in your body

➡️ Your brain signals “danger!” because you feel powerless

➡️ You seek reassurance through Google or medical checks 🔍

➡️ The relief is temporary, and the cycle continues ⭕️

Your thoughts are caught in a loop of catastrophising and hypervigilant thinking.

The good news is there is a way to reverse these thinking patterns by building your psychological foundations. When you build internal power, you stop creating health anxiety or other types of anxiety. 💪

With The Thrive Programme, I help people understand exactly how their mind works, gaining self-awareness to understand how they got to this place, and most importantly, give them all the tools to update their beliefs to more powerful ones - all in just 6-8 weeks. ✨

You don’t have to live this way. Your life can be about so much more than constant health worries. 💫

I am here to help 🫶

#healthanxiety #mentalhealth #mindsetshift #selfdevelopment

Are you trying to move forward but your mind keeps

Are you trying to move forward but your mind keeps dragging you to the past? 🌟

You’re working hard to focus on the present and make plans for your future, but those old memories and “what ifs” keep showing up.

Let’s talk about why this happens. But first, follow me for practical ways to build real strength and confidence! ✨

Let’s break it down ⬇️

⭐️ Every emotion you feel is created fresh in the present moment -> Your past experiences aren’t making you feel anything, your current thoughts and beliefs about your past experiences are

⭐️ Your beliefs act like filters -> They determine which memories feel important and how you interpret them 👓

⭐️ You can change these filters -> Because beliefs are just thoughts you keep thinking, you can create different, more helpful ones

That last part is the important part: while your past is no longer happening to you, you can have acquired certain beliefs along the way. These are just beliefs and when you understand that, you can choose in the moment to think in a different, more helpful way about your experiences.

That is exactly what I teach with The Thrive Programme. You retrain your thinking and learn how spot beliefs that are no longer serving you and replace them with empowering ones 💪

Want to learn more about creating lasting change? Follow me for regular insights and practical strategies. 🌟

#mentalhealth #selfesteem #mindset

You’re spending a lovely day with friends or fam

You’re spending a lovely day with friends or family, enjoying good food and a great movie, but you can’t fully immerse yourself. There’s this nagging discomfort about the week ahead - work, responsibilities…

Before we dive in, follow me for more tips and insights on how life does get to be incredible 🤩

Now, back to those Sunday scaries. They’re uncomfortable, sure, but have you noticed some people seem immune? Why is that?

It all boils down to our coping skills and our mindset towards work and responsibilities. When you’re confident in your ability to handle challenges, you don’t spiral into pre-week anxiety.

So, how do we build these coping skills?

It starts with your inner voice - that internal dialogue you have with yourself:

Imagine you’re thinking: “How will I survive this week? I’m dropping the ball on this project. The kids have a ton of appointments, and I’m drowning here. Why is this so hard? What’s wrong with me?”

No wonder your Sunday feels heavy! You’re not only worrying about the week but also questioning your worth. 😖

Try this instead: “Okay, crazy week ahead, but I’ve tackled busy weeks before. I’ll focus on what I can control, give my best to these projects and appointments, and things will work out. Even if they don’t, I can handle it. I’m doing well and making progress. Today, I choose to enjoy my Sunday.”💫

That’s how you take back control! 💪

That’s putting you back in the driver’s seat!

Let’s crush this upcoming week together!

#mentalhealth #mindset #sundayscaries #sundayvibes

Holidays aren’t always easy depending on what’

Holidays aren’t always easy depending on what’s happening in our lives, and sometimes instead of feeling energised and excited, we approach them with a sense of dread.

But what if you could do more than just survive the holidays?

What if you could build such strong psychological foundations that you actually look forward to the season - regardless of your circumstances?

The truth is, you have WAY more power than you think. 💫

Let’s dive in!

Here’s what most people don’t realise: while holidays can be challenging, we often make them harder for ourselves through our thinking patterns and emotional responses.

The good news? This means YOU have the power to transform your experience!🧠

By building solid mental health foundations NOW, you’ll feel:

✨ Calm and in control regardless of the situation

✨ Confident in setting healthy boundaries

✨ Able to enjoy moments instead of feeling anxious

✨ Able to bounce back from unexpected challenges

The Thrive Programme teaches you the skills and self-awareness to get control of your emotions and create the holiday experience you want - regardless of external circumstances.

#mentalhealth #personaldevelopment #mindset #holidayseason

That Sunday night loop of thoughts in your head:

That Sunday night loop of thoughts in your head:

“I’m not good enough”

“They’re going to find out”

“Everyone else is so much better”

“I need to work twice as hard to prove myself”

Imposter syndrome isn’t something that happens TO you - it’s something you’re creating (very unintentionally!) through your thoughts and beliefs about yourself.

The truth is when you have strong psychological foundations, you don’t create impostor syndrome. Why? Because you approach situations from a completely different mindset 💫

What strong foundations look like:

⭐️ You know perfection isn’t required

⭐️ You understand your worth isn’t tied to your performance

⭐️ You trust in your ability to handle challenges

⭐️ You speak to yourself with compassion, not criticism

⭐️ You view mistakes as learning opportunities, not evidence of fraud

Your Sunday nights don’t have to be filled with dread. Your workweek doesn’t have to feel like you’re waiting to be “found out.” 🧡

Remember: These feelings aren’t facts - they’re thought patterns you can change. And I’m here to show you how! 💫

Follow me to learn how to build psychological foundations that will help you:

➡️ Trust your capabilities

➡️ Navigate challenges with confidence

➡️ Stop comparing yourself to others

➡️ Enjoy your achievements

#impostorsyndrome #selfworth #mindsetshift #workwellness

Do you feel like you’re just going through the m

Do you feel like you’re just going through the motions? Like you’ve lost touch with who you really are? 🤔

The thing is, we spend a lot of time identifying ourselves by what we think should define us:

➡️ How others see us

➡️ Our job/relationship status

➡️ Our general success in life

➡️ Our past experiences

When we do this, we unintentionally end up not being true to ourselves - people pleasing, saying yes when we want to say no, taking on more than we can handle, and completely forgetting to consider what’s best for us.

The GOOD NEWS is - although it can feel scary or confusing, you actually CAN figure out who you are and who you want to be. It’s much simpler than you might think. 🌟

Your identity isn’t fixed nor is it determined by external factors. With the right training and skillset, you can learn to understand your own mind and take control of how you view yourself and the world around you.

The Thrive Programme is a step-by-step forward-facing programme that teaches you exactly how to:

⭐️ Build strong psychological foundations

⭐️ Develop powerful self-awareness

⭐️ Identify limiting beliefs that hold you back

⭐️ Create the identity YOU choose

You are not stuck or lost - you just haven’t been shown how to take control.

Follow me to find out more! 🫶

#mentalhealth #selfidentity #personalgrowth #mindset

It’s difficult to enjoy social situations and fe

It’s difficult to enjoy social situations and feel energized by them when your mind is filled with thoughts about being judged, fear of doing or saying the wrong thing, feeling like your mind is blank and all the uncomfortable sensations that come with anxiety... 🥺

Maybe right now you:

➡️ Feel like you’re being judged all the time

➡️ Overthink everything you say and do

➡️ Make excuses to avoid social situations

➡️ Watch others socialising with ease while you struggle

Here’s something powerful you need to know - social anxiety isn’t actually about what others think of you, it’s a reflection of what YOU think about you. The judgments you fear from others are actually coming from your own thoughts about yourself. 🧠

The even better news is that this is something you can change and I can show you how! 💫

The Thrive Programme isn’t therapy - you’re in the driver’s seat learning exactly how your mind works and how to feel confident in any social situation. 💪

You don’t have to live in fear of judgment anymore 🫶

Don’t forget to follow me for more information! ✨

#socialanxiety #mentalhealth #anxiety #selfdevelopment

If your emotions are constantly going up and down

If your emotions are constantly going up and down it’s a good sign you have low self-esteem.

Let’s dive in but first, follow me for more daily tips like this 👊

Here’s what’s happening...

Your emotions go UP when:

➡️ You get complimented on your work

➡️ People want to see you

➡️ You get likes and engagement on social media

But just as easily they come crashing DOWN when:

➡️ Someone doesn’t answer right away

➡️ Someone criticizes something you’ve done

➡️ Someone disagrees with you

And you stay feeling pretty down until you get some kind of external proof that you’re worthy again. And the cycle keeps going.

Here’s the thing - this doesn’t mean that you’re stuck feeling this way forever. It just means that over time, you’ve learned to measure your worth based on what’s happening AROUND you rather than what’s happening WITHIN you. ⭐️

The good news? People with high self-esteem aren’t stronger or less sensitive than you - they just measure their worth differently. They base it on things they can actually control, like:

⭐️ Who they are as a person

⭐️ The effort they put in daily

⭐️ How they treat themselves

And the best part? It only takes a few weeks to build solid self-esteem - and that’s exactly what I teach 🧡

Don’t forget to follow me to learn more about building strong mental health.

#mentalhealth #selfesteem #selfworth #mentalhealthtips #personaldevelopment

When you can’t enjoy any moment because your min

When you can’t enjoy any moment because your mind is always preparing for the worst... 🙁

Maybe you always expect things to go wrong, feel like you can’t fully enjoy the moment, think preparing for the worst protects you, or can’t remember how to just be present.

Let’s dive in but first follow me for more tips and insights on mental health!

The truth is the constant preparing and worrying isn’t your fault. Nobody ever taught us that this kind of over-preparing actually comes from not believing we can cope with things if they go wrong.

When you truly believe you can handle whatever comes your way, you don’t need to prepare for every possible problem anymore.

The amazing news is - you can build this belief in yourself! It’s not something you’re born with or stuck without.

This is exactly what I teach with the Thrive Programme:

✨ Understanding how your mind works

✨ Building powerful beliefs and coping skills

This isn’t therapy - you’re in the driver’s seat learning exactly how to build real confidence in your ability to handle anything life throws at you.

You don’t have to live on high alert anymore 🫶

Don’t forget to follow me for more support! 💫

#mentalhealth #cureanxiety #selfdevelopment #personalgrowth

A big part of learning to thrive is understanding

A big part of learning to thrive is understanding mental health and it doesn’t have to be complex!

Save this post for when you need a little reminder that you have all the power within you to thrive!

#mentalhealth #selfdevelopment #mindsetmatters #personalgrowth

One moment you feel on top of the world, everythin

One moment you feel on top of the world, everything is looking good and looking up... and the next, you feel miserable.

It just keeps changing day to day, and it can be pretty exhausting. 😮‍💨

We all know someone who doesn’t seem to have that problem - they remain pretty much at the same level of contentment with themselves. Well, the truth is, it’s not because they were born that way, or that you’re different... they just base their self-esteem differently than you do.

Let’s dive in!

So first, let’s get something out of the way - self-esteem is not stuck. It’s not something you have or don’t have... it’s something you actively create (or don’t create) every day.

If you find yourself fluctuating between feeling good or bad, you’re most likely basing your self-esteem on external factors:

➡️ How well you do at your job

➡️ What people think of you

➡️ Your status

➡️ Your physical appearance

➡️ Your relationships

...and so much more, but you get the idea.

If one of these things goes wrong (for example, if you mess up a bit at work), you feel terrible.

People with stable self-esteem don’t see these fluctuations because they don’t base how they feel on external factors - they focus on internal ones:

⭐️ What they like about themselves

⭐️ The effort they put in

⭐️ The kind of person they work on being

⭐️ Understanding what they can and can’t control

That’s why whatever happens outside of that doesn’t really affect their self esteem. ✨

Your turn to build the self-esteem you deserve! 🧡

#mentalhealth #selfesteem #personalgrowth #selfworth

Just like a building needs deep foundations to sta

Just like a building needs deep foundations to stand tall, your mental health needs strong psychological foundations. 💫

A lot of the time, we feel like our mind is a big mystery we don’t have much control over. Some people seem lucky to have great mental health, while others experience more issues with it. 🤔

If you are suffering from a mental health issue, if you have symptoms that are making your life miserable, know that you can learn how to improve your mental health. 💪

Our emotions are largely created by what we think in the moment. And how we think is based on our beliefs. 🧠

Once you learn how to update those beliefs to ones that are helpful and empowering, you’ll see yourself soar. ✨

You CAN take control! 🫶

The Thrive Programme isn’t therapy - you are totally in the driver’s seat as you work through learning a skillset to understand your own mind. You’ll learn everything you need to know to be the best version of yourself! 💛

#mentalhealth #personalgrowth #mentalstrength #wellnesstips

Sometimes a goal, a challenge, or something you ne

Sometimes a goal, a challenge, or something you need to overcome just feels impossible. 🏔️

But here’s the thing - it’s rarely about whether you CAN do it. It’s about what you’re telling yourself about it. When you keep thinking “this is impossible,” that’s all you’ll see. You won’t even notice that first small step you could take! 💭

Here’s what you need to know (and follow me for more tips like this!) ✨

Our friend just showed us 4 simple things that helped him reach his goal:

➡️ He got perspective - yes, the goal looked huge! But he broke it down and found he could absolutely handle one step at a time. That’s all he focused on. 🎯

➡️ He took his time - no rushing, no pressure. He went at his own pace. And guess what? He still made it! 🌱

➡️ He became his own best friend - instead of putting pressure on himself, he was encouraging and supportive. “Maybe I CAN do this,” “One step at a time” 🫂

➡️ He celebrated his win - that moment at the top wasn’t just celebration. It became proof for next time something feels scary: “I can do hard things!” 🌟

The truth is, you CAN do hard things too. You just need your mind working with you instead of against you. 💫

I can help you with that. Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, depression, fears, or working towards the life you want - I teach the skills that make ANY goal feel possible. 🎯 The best part? It’s a training programme where YOU’RE in the driver’s seat of your own mental health, learning and applying the tools yourself. 💪

Save this post for those days when things feel too big to handle! ⭐️

Don’t forget to follow me for more tips on thriving in life 🫶

#mentalhealthmatters #selfbelief #thrivingnotsurviving #mentalhealth #youvegotthis

You have this great idea. Maybe you want to go bac

You have this great idea. Maybe you want to go back to school, switch careers, or move somewhere new. But when it comes to actually taking those steps... you freeze. 🥶

Here’s the thing - there could be lots of reasons why, but the biggest one is always what’s going on in your mind.

You know those people who just seem to go for it? The ones who don’t get overwhelmed with stress and anxiety no matter how things turn out?

There are 2 main reasons for that:

1. They don’t get in their own way

2. They know they can handle whatever challenges come up

Getting in your own way looks like:

🚨 “I can’t do this”

🚨 “It’s not good enough”

🚨 “What if I fail?”

🚨 “What’s the point?”

🚨 “What if it doesn’t work out?”

🚨 “What if that’s not the right move?”

So if you have a goal but feel stuck, start by looking at what’s happening in your mind 🧠

Don’t forget to follow me to learn about understanding your mind and how to use it to your advantage 🧡

#overcomefear #mindset #empoweryourself #empoweryourself✨

We spend so much time trying to fix ourselves, oft

We spend so much time trying to fix ourselves, often without even realizing it. It can take over our lives instead of actually living them.

The frustrating part? It doesn’t always work - you do all the things, and still feel off.

Can you relate? Let’s talk about it.

You can spend years working on yourself, but if the beliefs driving you aren’t helpful, you won’t feel better. 🤔

It’s like this: you can study hard, get that dream career, collect all the achievements, and still feel completely stuck because you’re not seeing your own worth. You’re still playing that old tape in your head that says you’re not good enough.

The real key? Understanding yourself and how you tick. Once you can spot which beliefs are holding you back, switching them becomes so much easier. Everything else follows naturally. ✨

The Thrive Programme isn’t about fixing you. It’s about helping you understand:

➡️ How your mind works 🧠

➡️ Why you think and feel the way you do 💭

➡️ How to take control of your thoughts and beliefs ⭐️

When you understand yourself, you can:

➡️ Build genuine self-esteem 💫

➡️ Develop a powerful mindset for life’s challenges 💪

➡️ Create the life you truly want ✨

You are not a problem that needs solving - you just have some unhelpful stories playing in your mind. And those can change. 🌱

Follow me to learn more 🧡

#mentalhealth #growth #mindsetshift

We live in a world where anxiety is often presente

We live in a world where anxiety is often presented as something vastly out of our control - something we can only manage through external support.

The truth is: you have SO much natural ability within you right now to make a world of difference. 🫶

Let’s explore 3 powerful tips, but first follow me for more insights on how to take full control of your mental health 🧠

⭐️ Shift Your Perspective

The number one reason anxiety takes hold is that we lose perspective on our situation. Many challenges are more manageable than our minds make them out to be. We build them so big with our thoughts that they become terrifying mountains.

To get more perspective? Start asking questions, just like you would when solving any other problem:

Is it really as overwhelming as it feels?

If things don’t go perfectly, will it truly be the end of the world?

What would you say to a friend facing this same situation?

⭐️ Practice being kind to yourself

This brings us to something crucial: being kind to yourself.

Here’s the golden rule - you can work on overcoming fears, learning new skills, or being the best version of yourself, but if you’re putting yourself down in the background, nothing will stick.

Your self-esteem needs nurturing to thrive. Make being gentle with yourself a daily practice. It might feel strange at first, but keep at it until it becomes your natural response.

⭐️ Self-Praise!

Being kind is essential, but actively praising yourself? That’s where the magic happens. When you put effort into something - whether it seems normal, big or small - celebrate it!

Notice your progress, acknowledge your effort. Each moment of recognition strengthens your self-esteem and motivates you to keep growing.

Remember, anxiety only grows when we feel powerless, and that power has always been within you. 🧡

Practice these DAILY and watch how you develop both the ability to prevent anxiety from taking hold and the skills to calm yourself when it does arise.🫶

You’ve got this! Anxiety doesn’t define you or control you - YOU are in charge! 💪

Remember to follow me for more 🧡

#mentalhealth #innerstrength #selfempowerment #mentalhealthjourney

But seriously though... why can’t they just come

But seriously though... why can’t they just come to my house? 😩

Going to someone’s house when you have emetophobia can be terrifying and the panic that sets in as soon as someone invites you over can be completely overwhelming. 😔

You start to have thoughts like...

👉Can I avoid going?

👉Is it rude to decline?

👉Can I convince them to come to my house or meet somewhere else?

👉I’m already feeling sick at the thought of it, maybe it’s not a good idea…

If this sounds familiar, you might be dealing with emetophobia—a debilitating fear of being sick or seeing others be sick.

It’s more common than you might think...

The good news? You don’t have to live with this fear forever! 🤩 With the right mindset and tools, you can overcome it.💪

Contact me to find out more about the Emetophobia-Free programme.

Nobody is born with low self esteem. It’s someth

Nobody is born with low self esteem. It’s something we create over time by our thinking.

There are a lot of misconceptions that low self esteem comes from our past or from bad things happening to us and that there isn’t much we can do to fix it. That’s very disempowering and simply not true. ❌

Self esteem is about how you treat yourself right NOW. It is your current opinion of yourself. It’s what you think about yourself TODAY.

You might have low self esteem if you:

➡️ Put yourself down a lot 😔

➡️ Always compare yourself to others 👥

➡️ Set unrealistically high goals you can never reach 🏔️

➡️ Try too hard to get others to like you 😮‍💨

When you do these things, you’re essentially sending a message to your brain: I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH

Here’s the good news: since this is an active process you can change it!

Think of self esteem like a battery. Being kind to yourself charges it up. Being hard on yourself drains it. 🔋

Here are some easy ways to start:

⭐️ Write down good things about yourself 📝

⭐️ Be nice to yourself when you mess up - everyone does 🤗

⭐️ Notice the good things you do each day, big and SMALL 🎉

⭐️ Set small goals you can reach, and feel good when you do 🏆

When you do these things, you start to see yourself in a better way. You’ll feel better about who you are. You won’t need others to tell you you’re worth it - you’ll know it yourself. ❤️

For more tips on feeling better about yourself, don’t forget to follow me.

#selfesteem #lowselfesteem #mentalhealth #mindsetshift

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