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Victoria Bourque - mental health coach| Glossop - Derbyshire
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2017-02-10

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thrivewithvictoriabourque
Feeling overwhelmed by your emotions? Like you’r Feeling overwhelmed by your emotions? Like you’re on a rollercoaster you can’t control? You’re not alone. We all go through a wide range of feelings every day, and sometimes they can really impact our lives. 🫨 It’s easy to think something must be wrong with you when your emotions feel too intense. You might wonder how to get your mental health in check. But here’s the good news: Strong emotions don’t mean something’s broken. They just mean you haven’t learned to manage them yet. And that’s okay – most of us weren’t taught how. 🧠 Your feelings come largely from your current beliefs and thoughts, not your genetics or past.❌ It’s like wearing different lenses: 👓 “Failure” lenses: You only see your mistakes 🕶️ “Success” lenses: You notice your achievements 🔍 “Negative” lenses: Everything looks like a problem 🌈 “Positive” lenses: You spot opportunities The key is that these lenses are not fixed you can change them and here’s how : ⭐️ Learn how your brain works (it’s simpler than you think) ⭐️ Get tools to shift your perspective Once you start seeing things differently, your emotions balance out. When you do have strong reactions, you’ll understand where they come from and how to respond better. 🧡 Want to take control of your mental health? Follow me to learn: ➡️ How to balance your emotions ➡️ Ways to handle challenges better ➡️ How to understand yourself more deeply Remember: It’s normal to have big feelings. What matters is having the tools to respond to them in an empowering way. 💪 #emotionalintelligence #mentalhealth #personalgrowth
Well done Sophie 👏👏👏 Well done Sophie 👏👏👏
How badly your emotions feel out of whack does not How badly your emotions feel out of whack does not impact your ability to take back control. You are not stuck. 🧡 Let’s dive in. But first, follow me for daily tips that can help you take back control of your mental health with very simple tools. That feeling of being out of control isn’t because your emotions are too powerful - it’s because you haven’t yet learned how to manage them effectively. The good news? Emotional control is a skill you can develop. 🧠 Here’s what’s really going on: 1. You’re letting your emotions dictate your actions 2. You’re forgetting that feelings are temporary 3. You’re not recognizing the thoughts behind your emotions The last point is crucial because our emotions hit so strongly, seemingly out of nowhere, when in fact you can pinpoint the exact cause - you just haven’t been shown how. ⭐️ We’ve been largely taught that we don’t have much control, that due to our genetics, our past, our personality, we are a certain way. This is incredibly disempowering and not true.❌ The truth is your emotions are created in the NOW by your thought patterns, and this is actually great news because patterns are changeable. Try this: 1. When a strong emotion hits, pause 2. Name the emotion you’re feeling 3. Identify the thought behind the emotion or general idea 4. Ask yourself: “Is this thought helping or hurting me?” 5. Choose a more balanced thought if needed This sounds simple, but repeating it frequently will put you back in the driver’s seat. You’ll feel more powerful over your emotions, and it’s also an interesting exercise to understand yourself better.😎 Remember, having emotions doesn’t make you weak - it makes you human. It’s just about learning to manage them.🤗 Follow me to learn more about mastering your emotions.🧡 #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #mindset #empowering
You had a good day at work and met new people at a You had a good day at work and met new people at an event. You felt great. Then self-doubt hit. You started overthinking what you said and did, focusing on small details. Now you feel bad instead of proud. Can you relate? It’s time to stop spending hours feeling bad when you deserve better! This is WHAT you are doing (all of us do without realising it) ➡️ You want certainty that you did okay ➡️ You’re trying to control how others see you ➡️ You forget that others are focused on themselves, not you This WHY you are doing it ➡️ You base your self-worth on external factors like how others see you instead of you own judgement. This is HOW to stop it When you choose to support yourself no matter what, you can stop obsessing. ⭐️ Talk to yourself like a friend: “I did well. I’m proud I met some people. It’s okay if I wasn’t perfect.” ⭐️ Remember: you probably judge yourself way more than others do- they are mostly focused on themselves. You CAN choose where to focus your thoughts. We often feel like we have no say in the matter but we have so much more power than we think! 🧡 Follow me for more mental health tips! #mentalhealth #overthinking #mindset #growth
It can be incredibly frustrating to know what you It can be incredibly frustrating to know what you need to do but you can’t seem to do it. As a result, you can feel helpless and put yourself down. Here’s why you might not be moving forward and what to do about it: ➡️ You put yourself down • Gently start to build the habit of being kind to yourself, talking to yourself like you would a friend ➡️ You strongly believe you can’t • Simple but key: anytime you think you can’t, ask yourself “What if I can?” Start with small things and build up to larger ones ➡️ You find it hard to leave your comfort zone • It’s uncomfortable and scary to leave your comfort zone, but it can be a very manageable experience. Instead of taking big leaps, take small incremental steps, you’ll be surprised at the confidence you will build taking these small steps. ➡️ You have limiting beliefs (old stories) • Challenge these by saying “I’m thinking differently now” or “Every day I’m getting better at this” ➡️ You struggle to take responsibility • It’s sometimes difficult to accept that we create how we feel, but by gently doing so, you take your power back. Start by saying: “I can do anything with effort and patience, I’ve got this” With the Thrive Programme, you will learn all about why you think and feel the way you do and change these patterns so you can get on with your life! Which of these resonates with you the most? YOUR LIFE. BETTER #selfimprovement #thriving #mentalhealthmatters #wellbeing #mindset #empowerment #comparison #progress #innerwork #mentalhealthawareness #overcominganxiety #mindsetshift #mentalhealth #selfesteem #selfworth #mentalhealthmatters #positivemindset #thriveprogramme #thethriveprogramme #braintraining #growth #selftalk #stress #anxiety #depression #thriving #phobias #training #mindset
You work hard, try to be a good person, take care You work hard, try to be a good person, take care of yourself, and constantly strive for growth. All these efforts are ultimately aimed at achieving happiness. But should happiness really be the end goal? 🧐 Actually true happiness isn’t a destination you reach after checking off a list of accomplishments. It’s about finding contentment in the present moment. Why? Because you’ll never truly be “finished”. There will always be more goals, more to do, and if you believe happiness is waiting at the end of that never-ending to-do list, you’ll always be chasing it. 🏃 The good news? You can cultivate contentment right now! Here’s how: ➡️ Always treat yourself with kindness, compassion and encouragement. Nothing matters more than the relationship you build with yourself - be your own best friend ➡️ Accept that life will always have ups and downs - nothing will ever feel completely finished, perfect or go entirely your way ➡️ Remind yourself that you are capable of handling any situation that comes your way, even if it sometimes takes a great deal of effort ➡️ Decide to stay present in the moment When you actively practice these, your perspective shifts dramatically. You’re no longer on an exhausting quest for happiness - you realize you can feel content and therefore happy right now. How liberating is that? ✨ This mindset change doesn’t mean you stop growing or pursuing goals. Instead, it means you approach life from a place of inner peace and strength, rather than lack or constant striving. So start today. 🧡 #contentment #innerpeace #personalgrowth #mindset
Do you feel like there is a fun-loving, care-free Do you feel like there is a fun-loving, care-free version of you trapped inside you, desperate to get out but you constantly tell yourself “no” because you might do something that will make you throw up? 😩 Let’s talk about how you can let go and REALLY enjoy life ✨ So right now you are constantly putting limits on the things in your life ✋ You spend your days telling yourself things like: ❌ You can’t do that ❌ That might make you sick ❌ You’d better not go ❌ What if you catch something? ❌ What if you’re ill? ❌ You can’t eat that This constant inner voice you use to talk to yourself sounds worried, powerless and negative 😩 You say no to things you would love to do then feel upset about missing out or guilty for letting people down. If you do things, you impose restrictions on yourself like going out to eat but only having “safe foods” or avoiding alcohol. You end up feeling lonely, frustrated and locked in your own mind. The great news is that you have the power to change your inner voice and change your experience of life 🤩 You’re not stuck with the inner voice you currently have. You have learnt to speak to yourself in that way and you can learn to speak differently 🎉 All it takes is the know-how and commitment to change. The know-how comes from the Emetophobia-Free programme. The commitment to change comes from you. I am here to help, no one should have to live with emetophobia. #emetophobia #emetophobiafree #emetophobiarecovery
Social anxiety can strike in various situations - Social anxiety can strike in various situations - at work, events, or even while walking among strangers. It often manifests as an overwhelming internal dialogue: * « What if they judge me? » * « What if I say the wrong thing? » * « What if I humiliate myself? » * « Should I have said that? » * « Is my outfit appropriate? » * « Was my email polite enough? » This constant questioning makes it challenging to be fully present in social situations. ⭐️ However, social anxiety isn’t something that simply happens to you - it’s a reflection of how you view yourself. The key to reducing social anxiety lies in improving your relationship with yourself.⭐️ When you cultivate self-kindness, acceptance, encouragement, and compassion, others’ opinions lose their power over you. The anxious questions begin to fade away.✨ Conversely, if you constantly judge and criticize yourself, you’ll assume others do the same. Your anxiety then becomes an attempt to shield yourself from potential hurt. By fostering a positive relationship with yourself, you’ll naturally see your social anxiety diminish. 🧡 Follow me to learn more about building a strong self-relationship and letting go of social anxiety. #socialanxiety #mindsetshift #growth #selflove
You’ll work hard for that work deadline, you’l You’ll work hard for that work deadline, you’ll help a friend on a project, you’ll sit with your kids to help them study and make sure they ace their test. And then there’s you... The workout you said you would do? Skipped. The online course you bought? Still unopened. You promised yourself that you’d dedicate 30 min everyday to it, but days have turned into weeks. 🤯 Sound familiar? Of course, sometimes life gets in the way and we can’t always control that. But there’s a difference when you find yourself repeatedly bailing on your promises. Here are a few areas to consider: ➡️ Self-relationship: do you have a kind, encouraging relationship with yourself? When you tend to put yourself down and be very critical, your self-esteem takes a hit. It becomes easy to neglect self-care. ➡️ People-pleasing: are you worried about what others think of you? When your self-worth is tied to others’ opinions or needs, you might prioritise them at the expense of your own time and goals. ➡️ Perfectionism: are you waiting for the “perfect” moment to start? Sometimes we delay our commitments because we’re waiting for ideal conditions that never come. The good news? It’s all about changing your relationship with yourself. Once you do, everything becomes more balanced - you’ll make time for your own needs and still show up for others. This is exactly what I work with clients to achieve. ✨ Are you ready to build a loving relationship with yourself and keep those self-promises? Follow me for morel tips and insights.🧡 #selfcare #personalgrowth #mindsetshift
Stuck in the social media comparison trap? You’r Stuck in the social media comparison trap? You’re not alone! 📱😔 Have you ever told yourself you’d only scroll for 10 minutes... then an hour flies by? That creeping sense of inadequacy as your life doesn’t match the perfect posts you’re seeing... we’ve all been there. Endless scrolling through highlight reels can fast-track us to low self-esteem and anxiety. But how to stop? First, follow me for more life-changing tips! Now, let’s break this cycle: ➡️ Boost Your Self Esteem: when you feel good about yourself and your goals, you’re less likely to get caught in the comparison trap. To boost your self esteem: ⭐️ Be kind to yourself at all times like you would your best friend ⭐️ Celebrate all your achievements, big and SMALL ➡️ Gain Perspective: social media isn’t everything – it’s a highlight reel, not real life. ➡️ Practice Gratitude: focus on what’s amazing in YOUR world. ➡️ Set Boundaries: limit your scroll time and stick to it. Remember, you have the power to log off and live YOUR life! 💪🌟 Want to dive deeper? I teach all this when I work with clients. Follow me for tips on building genuine happiness beyond the screen. #mentalhealth #selflove #mindsetshift #selfdevelopment
Do you spend more time thinking about others’ ne Do you spend more time thinking about others’ needs than your own? 🤔 Do you feel responsible for others’ moods and work hard to keep them happy? Without realising it, you might be ignoring your own needs. Why do we do this? Often it’s so ingrained we don’t even notice. It can look like: ➡️ Responding to non-urgent work emails after hours ➡️ Saying yes when you really want to say no ➡️ Avoiding asking for help believing it would burden others ➡️ Being in a habit of agreeing with others to keep the peace ✌️ We all people please to some extent but when it rules your actions it’s time to address it. People pleasing is often a sign of low self worth. You might be a people pleaser if you: ➡️ Struggle to value yourself ➡️ Put yourself down more than you lift yourself up ➡️ Doubt your own capabilities ➡️ See yourself in a negative light In these cases, people pleasing becomes a shield. Saying no or setting boundaries feels too risky when you’re struggling with low self esteem. The solution? Building high, stable self esteem. That’s my focus when I work with people. Here’s some great news- you can boost your self esteem faster than you think! With the right tools, you can see real changes in a couple of weeks. It’s like building a new, positive habit 🌱 #mentalhealth #peoplepleasing #lowselfesteem #selfhelp #mindsetshift
You find yourself trapped in a perfectionist loop You find yourself trapped in a perfectionist loop asking: “Was my work good enough?” “Should I have done more?” “Did I make any mistakes today?” Does this sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone. Many people struggle with this daily battle with impossible standards. Perfectionism often grows from a fear of failure or judgment. We set sky-high standards thinking they’ll shield us from criticism. Instead, they leave us feeling constantly inadequate as we inevitably fall short. And it gets worse- each time we fail to meet our unrealistic goals, we pile on even more tasks to compensate. It’s like paying a perfectionist tax- the more we fall short, the more we demand of ourselves, creating an endless cycle of pressure and disappointment. Here’s the good news- you can change this perfectionist lens 👓 Here’s how to start: ➡️ Embrace “good enough” : train your mind to accept imperfections in daily life. Being a few minutes late? The world won’t end. ➡️ Practise self compassion: your harshest critic is probably you. Treat yourself with the kindness you would offer a friend. When you’re compassionate with yourself, you don’t need to be perfect anymore. ➡️ Reframe “failure”: mistakes are universal and inevitable. See them as stepping stones, part of the process of life. ➡️ Catch overthinking: notice when you are spending too much time trying to perfect something and obsessing about it. Challenge that impulse by asking yourself “Is this good enough as it is?” Let’s overcome perfectionism! #mentalhealth #perfectionism #selfgrowth
We all want to grow but sometimes self improvement We all want to grow but sometimes self improvement turns into an endless quest to “fix” ourselves. “Once I fix myself I’ll be happy.” “Once I fix myself I’ll chase my dreams.” “Once I fix myself I’ll find love.” Sound familiar? And we wait hoping that at some point we’ll “feel” fixed. Here’s the truth- you’re not broken, you don’t need fixing 🫶 You need one powerful shift: ACCEPTANCE ✨ Acceptance isn’t about settling, it’s about accepting where you are right now: ✨ Accept being a beginner ✨ Accept your current situation ✨ Accept that you’re not where you want to be yet. For example, if you are struggling with jealousy instead of trying to fix it, accept it: “I feel jealous sometimes, that’s okay.” This acknowledgment allows you to explore its roots and learn from it rather than being stuck in shame and feeling broken. Acceptance isn’t the end, it’s actually the starting line. From here you can grow step by step without the pressure of “fixing” yourself 🫶 #selfacceptance #personalgrowth #mindsetshift
Why do we freeze up when faced with tasks? We oft Why do we freeze up when faced with tasks? We often get stuck because we’re afraid of not doing the task perfectly. This fear of not being perfect comes from being afraid of failing. So why are we scared of failing? We think it would feel terrible and we wouldn’t be able to handle it. So we try to avoid doing the task completely. The good news is that the problem isn’t the task itself, but how we think about it. ✨ Here’s how to get unstuck when you feel paralyzed: ⭐️ Look at the big picture: we usually make tasks seem bigger than they are. Ask yourself: is it really that hard? Could you do it if you tried? ⭐️ Be kind with yourself: break the task into smaller parts. Encourage yourself as you work on it. If you find it hard to be nice to yourself, think about what a good friend would say to you. ⭐️ Celebrate all the wins - big and small - they all count and they all add up. ⭐️ Keep trying: if you often have trouble starting tasks, be patient with yourself. Follow me for more tips on mental health 🧡 #taskparalysis #gettingthingsdone #mentalhealth
You are not alone 🧡 If you have emetophobia it You are not alone 🧡 If you have emetophobia it often controls your life and the decisions you make. To the extent that it can make you terrified to do many things, including becoming a parent. You may feel convinced this phobia will control your life forever. It really doesn’t need to be this way. The Emetophobia-Free programme has helped many people overcome their phobia so that they can live their lives fully and make life decisions free from the constant fear of emetophobia. #emetophobia #emetophobiarecovery #emetophobiahelp
You worry about the future, your goals, your famil You worry about the future, your goals, your family, finances... it’s on your mind daily. You want to be in the moment, be happy with where you are currently, but this pressure and need to rush to make sure your future turns out how you want it to is constant. 🤯 Can you relate? Let’s take a closer look 👀 We all know someone who isn’t that worried about the future, regardless of their circumstances. They have this attitude of “Everything will be alright,” and they mean it. They’re in the moment, not rushed, and generally, things turn out pretty well for them. These people aren’t different from us, they just have an important belief: they believe in their coping skills. ✨ When you believe in your coping skills you don’t need to worry about future scenarios as much ✨ Try this: think of something you’re really good at and confident about. You probably don’t worry or obsess in that area of your life because you’re quite sure you can manage whatever comes up! Worrying is a behavior we engage in to try and gain a sense of control. We think, “ If I consider all possible scenarios, maybe I’ll be more prepared and able to cope.” ⭐️ The key here is to focus on building belief in your coping skills instead of trying to stop worrying.⭐️ It’s actually pretty easy to do with the right tools. I work with clients to support them in learning these skills 🧡 #mentalhealth #worrying #copingskills #mindsetiseverything
Do you ever feel like you’re spinning your wheel Do you ever feel like you’re spinning your wheels? You’re going to therapy, journaling meditating and doing all the breathing exercises but somehow you’re not seeing the changes you hoped for 🙁 If so, you’re not alone. Here’s what might be going on: If you don’t have a foundation of self compassion, it’s tough for anything else to stick. We push ourselves and when we inevitably slip up we become our own harshest critic. This creates a cycle where you’re pushing yourself and beating yourself up for not being perfect. So the real key to making progress is in the way you talk to yourself. Try to always speak to yourself with kindness and compassion. If you’re not sure how to do this, try: ➡️ Imagining how you would talk to a good friend ➡️ Thinking about how you would speak to a child It all starts with your inner dialogue. Make that helpful and you’ll be surprised at how other things start to shift. Remember, you are worthy of kindness- especially from yourself 🧡
Do you ever feel like your achievements aren’t e Do you ever feel like your achievements aren’t enough? Or you can’t celebrate your wins because someone else’s seem bigger? You’re not alone! Here’s why we compare and how to break free: We use comparison to measure our worth, often as a sign of low self esteem. It blinds us to our own accomplishments, leaving us feeling inadequate. But you don’t have to stay stuck in the cycle, what you need to do is create self esteem based on internal factors: ✨ Treat yourself like a best friend 🥰 ✨Celebrate ALL your wins big and small 🎉 ✨ Show self-compassion when you stumble (you’re human!) 💖 When you nurture a loving relationship with yourself, the need to compare fades. You’ll start measuring against your own progress, not others’ 📈 Choose YOU today, the rest will follow 😌 Happy Sunday! ✨ #selflove #personalgrowth #mentalhealthawareness #sundaymotivation #stopcomparing
Do you find yourself saying no to invitations? Do Do you find yourself saying no to invitations? Do you avoid going places alone? In social situations does your mind race constantly wondering if you are being judged? If so, you probably feel trapped in a cycle of avoiding people and experiences. You are not alone in this. We’ve all heard the advice about putting yourself out there and facing your fears head on. This can be helpful but there’s a crucial piece of the puzzle which is often overlooked: Your relationship with yourself ❤️ Here’s the truth: social anxiety isn’t really about other people. It’s about how you see yourself. Think about the things you’re insecure about- your appearance, intelligence or social skills- whatever it might be, you will have tunnel vision and assume others are zoning in on this too. The key? 🔑 Building a foundation of self-acceptance and self-compassion 🥰🥰 As you nurture a positive relationship with yourself you’ll find it easier to step out of your comfort zone and reconnect with the world around you. #overcomesocialanxiety #selfesteem #selflove #mindsetshift
We’ve all been there: your boss wants to talk an We’ve all been there: your boss wants to talk and you’re sure you’re getting fired; that headache must be a brain tumour; your partner is late, they must have been in an accident. Sound familiar? Why do we catastrophise? We think it makes us feel more prepared, in control and ready for the worst case scenario. But we all know people who have that everything will be okay attitude. What’s the difference? It comes down to confidence in your coping skills 💪 If you are confident in your coping skills you can manage whatever comes your way, you don’t need to control every situation or imagine the worst. Constant worst case scenario thinking breeds stress and anxiety, way more the the actual situation does. It also becomes a habit. Here are 5 tips to stop catastrophising: ✨ Challenge your thoughts- what’s the evidence? ✨Remind yourself “I can cope with this even if it takes effort”. ✨ Use the best friend test- what would you say to a friend? ✨ Consider alternative outcomes- what else could happen? ✨ Replace “what if….?” with “whatever happens I can cope and tolerate this.” The more you practise the better you’ll get at this. #mentalhealth #anxietyrelief #positivemindset
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